After an 11 year toxic marriage and a 3 month toxic relationship which resulted in me getting pregnant and giving birth to my son, I must say that it wasn't easy. After exiting survival mode, I realised that I was an emotional mess and, while I started to develop healthy friendships, I still had a TON of blocks preventing me from opening up to romantic relationships again. Up till last year, I had zero male friends and I could not encounter a man without getting over protective or overwhelmed with desire.
After much work on removing blocks and learning to love myself more, I can say that I am finally ready to start dating again. In fact, during the past 2 months I have had 2 very nice meetings with guys and, even though the big romance has not shown up yet, I did manage to very much have an enjoyable time! Here is what I learned, which I hope will be helpful to you as well:
Achieving what you want in dating, and in anything else is a mixture of shifting your energy (removing blocks with EFT tapping or any other energy tool) and taking action (actually finding where single people are and going out on dates)!
We miss those times where we would just meet people at a bar, but we need to accept the fact that online dating is an integral part nowadays of any dating. Even if you don't meet the love of your life on a dating app, online dating helps you to understand where you are and what you are attracting, and to take steps to understand more what you don't want, moving closer to what you do want.
When online dating, please watch out for scammers. They are quite easy to spot since they speak like robots, are easy to catch lying and tend to ask for money. You find them mostly on Tinder since this is the most common dating app. I tried other dating apps such as OK cupid, but choice is limited. I am currently using Facebook dating which I like, because people are REAL people and you don't have to pay to find out who likes you!
Remove those beliefs that there are no good men out there, all the good guys are taken! There are good guys / girls out there, to start, you and me are that and whoever else is reading this are that!
Get on the drawing board and make a list of things you want in your ideal relationship. If you don't know what you want, write down what you don't want and turn it into what you want! Remember to tweak this list as you go along, with what you have learned from your dating experiences.
Self love, self love, self love! Other people will love you only to the extent that you love yourself! How? Easy, imagine someone you admire, you fancy, feel that admiration and turn that towards yourself! This will need some persistence but its so worth it!
If you feel needy, give what you are needing to yourself. It could be self care, rest, some pampering, going out for a nice dinner, etc. No one from out there will fulfil all of your needs!
If you feel blocked, for example you are afraid of being stuck with the wrong guy, let all of that go and install a new belief instead. For example, I am in the moment when I date and I can let go when I want. As long as it is good, I enjoy it! You don't want to miss out on enjoyable and learning experiences which can bring you closer to where you want to be and you don't want to manifest something you don't want.
Keep your options open. Speak to different people at the same time. This will remove all sense of lack, installing the belief that there are plenty of nice people available out there to choose from and that you don't have to change anything about yourself for anyone. You don't have to settle!
When online dating, go somewhere safe and informal when meeting for the first time. You don't want to organise too much and then find out that there is no potential. I like to go for a coffee or just invite the guy to meet me and my friends while we are out. I know some people who invite the person for a walk or to go to the bar next to their house. Like that, there is not too much pressure about it and you can both meet each other as you are. During my last 2 dates, I even had my son with me and the guys did not mind at all in fact they were very supportive! As a tip for single parents, I found that having my son with me when meeting a guy for the first time worked well because first, in order to accept me the person needs to accept my child, and second, the first meeting is always casual meaning that nothing normally happens anyway it is simply about getting to know the person and seeing whether there is potential.
Hope you found this helpful, summer is here, go for it and HAVE FUN!
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